


Dustin Improves The Suite

by queuebird



Category: The Social Network (2010)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, College, Couches, Dorms, Gen, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queuebird/pseuds/queuebird
Summary: “The point is,”Dustin raises his voice over Chris starting to puff up and make some indignant noises, “the point is, I was at Alex and Evan’s suite, and they had, like, a fuckingtowerof cushions and couches and shit from the lounge. It was fucking amazing. And Alex was like, that was only half of it dude, we’re in the middle of taking it down, and I was like, whoaaa.” Dustin pauses and looks at the two of them expectantly.“Okay?” Chris says.“We need that,” Dustin says. “In here.”
Comments: 9
Kudos: 6





	Dustin Improves The Suite

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks [suse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suse) for the beta!

Dustin throws the door open and yells _“HEY!”_ at the top of his lungs.

Eduardo jerks up off the couch, hair sticking up on one side. “What the fuck?” he says fuzzily.

Chris pokes his head out of the room. “Huh?” he goes.

Dustin throws himself onto the couch, narrowly avoiding Eduardo’s head. Eduardo makes a sort of complainy noise. Dustin ignores him.

“I was just,” Dustin says, “at Alex and Evan’s place down the hall--you know them, right? Or, you know Alex, he’s the one with the, uh, the--”

Chris pulls his eyebrows together. “The popcorn guy?” he asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dustin says. “The popcorn guy. Right, Wardo?”

Eduardo looks confused. He makes another complainy noise and lays his head on Dustin’s shoulder. Dustin pats his hair.

“Anyway, I went over to borrow Alex’s microwave--”

“They have a microwave?” Chris says.

“Yes,” Dustin says, “that’s not the point. The point is--”

“What the fuck?” Chris says. “Why didn’t you mention this last week, when I had to eat that frozen, uh, meal thing--”

“Alright, listen,” Dustin says, holding his hands up defensively. “I just found this out, like, yesterday, dude.”

“I literally felt like I was throwing up my intestines!”

“No one asked you to eat that!” Dustin says. “Literally no one.”

“I had to,” Chris says, hurt.

“Why are you blaming Dustin for you giving yourself food poisoning?” Eduardo says into Dustin’s shoulder.

 _“The point is,”_ Dustin raises his voice over Chris starting to puff up and make some indignant noises, “the point is, I was at Alex and Evan’s suite, and they had, like, a fucking _tower_ of cushions and couches and shit from the lounge. It was fucking amazing. And Alex was like, that was only half of it dude, we’re in the middle of taking it down, and I was like, whoaaa.” Dustin pauses and looks at the two of them expectantly.

“Okay?” Chris says.

“We need that,” Dustin says. “In here.”

“What?” Eduardo says. “Why the fuck would we need that?”

“Can’t you imagine it?” Dustin says.

Chris shrugs. “Sure.”

Eduardo says, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious! This is a great idea!”

“We are definitely not supposed to steal shit from the lounges,” Eduardo says. “We all signed that thing at the beginning of the year that was like, don’t steal shit from the lounges.”

“Maybe it’s different for singles,” Dustin says.

 _“Why_ would it be different for singles?” Eduardo boggles.

“How did no one notice all the furniture was gone from the lounge?” Chris asks.

“Chris,” Dustin says, pointing at him. “Great question, I knew you were my favorite for a reason. They strategically stole it from multiple places across the entire building.”

“This is completely ridiculous,” Eduardo says. He lifts his head from Dustin’s shoulder and starts combing his hair back into shape.

Dustin frowns at Eduardo. 

“I’ve always wanted a stack of two-hundred-year-old furniture in the living room,” Chris says thoughtfully, ducking back into his room.

“Great, let’s go,” Dustin says, getting up from the couch. “Alex said he was cool with us just taking from their place, then we can build it up even more. Oh wait, Wardo, can you get Mark.”

Eduardo regards Dustin narrowly. “He’s in his room. You get him.”

“Wardoooooooo,” Dustin whines. “Go get Mark.”

Eduardo rolls his eyes and goes into Mark’s room. It’s dark as shit and he’s sitting there at his computer like a loser.

“Mark,” Eduardo says.

Mark ignores him.

“We need Mark,” Dustin says.

“Dustin says we need you,” Eduardo says.

Mark ignores him.

“Mark has to help,” Dustin insists.

“Dustin says--”

“Fuck you, Dustin!” Mark says.

“Fuck you, Mark,” Dustin replies dutifully. “We’re going to make a stack of couches in here. This is a four-man job, Mark. We’re going to need every ounce of your scrawny little arm strength that we can get. Are you even--is he even doing anything?”

“No,” Eduardo says. “Actually yeah, he’s watching porn.”

“I’m _not watching porn,”_ Mark says.

“If you’re just watching porn, you can help us,” Dustin says.

Mark scowls and gets up. Dustin cheers.

...

“Fuck, this is fucking heavy,” Mark says.

“It’s a couch, dude, what did you expect?” Chris says.

“Maybe if you rowed crew this wouldn’t be a problem,” Dustin points out--very reasonably, in his opinion.

Mark’s corner of the couch drops to the floor, and Dustin receives a vicious kick directly in the shin. Dustin swears colorfully but manages not to drop the couch.

“Can you all please stop,” Eduardo says, now also holding Mark’s corner.

“Maybe Dustin should shut the fuck up,” Mark says.

“Mark,” Eduardo says.

Mark rolls his eyes and grabs his corner of the couch again.

“Jesus, Mark, it was just a--okay, door ahead,” Dustin says. “Chris, can you grab my--perfect.” Dustin unlocks the door. “Go go go, in in in.”

Dustin takes his corner back and they shuffle the couch into the common room.

“Dude, where the fuck are we putting this?” Chris says.

“Let’s just...against the wall there,” Dustin shrugs sort of in the direction of the far wall, “for now.”

They manage to shove the couch up to the wall, right below the window. Dustin steps back to admire his handiwork.

“It’s already looking so much better.” Dustin claps. “Thanks, guys. Next couch, let’s go.”

“How many of these are we getting in here?” Eduardo says uncertainly.

“I want a break,” Mark says.

“When are we actually...you know, stacking them?” Chris says.

“Once we run out of floor space. Let’s go!”

...

“I think we’re out of floor space,” Eduardo says.

“Man, we can’t open the fucking closet,” Mark says.

“Come on, guys,” Dustin says from his spot on couch #4. “This is cool!”

Chris stands in the doorway to his room. “Are we stacking them or what?”

“I’m tired,” Dustin sighs. “We can do it tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to have to do a fucking obstacle course to get coffee in the morning,” Mark says.

“Hey, look on the bright side, at least Wardo has a fuckton of places to sleep now.”

Mark frowns.

“Yeah, but there are no places to _walk,”_ Eduardo says. He jumps from couch #2 to couch #4 and flops down onto couch #6.

“Personally, I think it adds spice to the room,” Dustin says. “You know, a little extra fun to brighten up your day.”

“That’s what our room needed,” Mark mutters. “More _fun.”_

Chris clambers over a couple couches to get to the coffee table. “It’s kinda fun,” he admits.

Dustin claps and points at Chris. _“See?”_ he exclaims. _“See?”_

...

They never get around to stacking the couches, obviously.

Instead, a week later, Saul, their RA, comes by.

“Hey, guys,” Saul says, poking his head in their open door, “just wanted to check--whoa, holy shit.”

Dustin looks up from his desk. “Uh.” He looks around at the sea of couches. “...They came with the room?”

Mark’s door is open, and he yells out, “It’s Dustin’s fault!”

Dustin opens his mouth to defend himself, but Saul bursts into laughter. “Okay, this is fucking incredible, but you do need to put those back.”

“Damn,” Dustin says.

“I’m not helping you with that,” Mark says.

“I can’t do this myself!” Dustin protests. “Where’s Chris and Eduardo?”

Mark shrugs, and Dustin falls backward onto one of the couches, all theatrical-like.

“Okay,” Saul says. “Other than that, is everything alright here?”

“No, my roommates hate me,” Dustin mopes.

Saul laughs again. “Alright, nice talking to you, Dustin. And please put the couches back where they belong, or building services will get on my ass.” He waves and leaves.

“Not fucking helping you,” Mark mutters. Dustin makes some more sad noises.

...

“Wait, Mark, can you just--lift your end a little higher--yeah, great.” Eduardo gives Mark an encouraging, appreciative sort of shoulder-nudge.

“Alright, forward!” Dustin says, and they shuffle through the hallways back toward the lounge with couch #3.

“This is fun,” Chris comments. “Like a family bonding exercise.”

“I hate you all,” Mark says.

“Liar,” Dustin says cheerfully.

 _“Especially you,”_ Mark stresses.

“You luuuuuuurve Eduardo,” Dustin says. “Don’t even pretend.”

Mark grumbles vaguely. Eduardo beams.

...

“I kind of miss the couches,” Eduardo says, stretching out on the one, lonely remaining couch.

“I don’t,” Mark says.

“I have a new idea,” Dustin says. “After winter break--all the _armchairs.”_

Mark groans, and Eduardo laughs.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://queuebird.tumblr.com/)


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